Feelings and My Mirror Image

Recently I had lunch with a group of friends - my running buddies.We were saying goodbye to our friend who was moving away in a few days - such is the military life!  One of my friends brought out a picture of us to look at. The picture was taken earlier in the year, probably February, after one of our "long" runs.  She wanted to show it to me because of how different I looked then compared to now.

Now I'd already seen the pic, she had texted it to me. And it had been on Facebook after that run so it was saved forever in the "Photos of You" tab on FB.  So it wasn't new to me.  I actually thought it was a good picture of me and still do.  It was somewhere in the middle of my weight loss. I had a dress on that was probably not the most flattering, but cute!  So I guess I didn't understand why this was a valid before pic. 

April 2015

But what was new to me was the feelings I had about the picture being show at the table. I was mortified.  Honestly, I wouldn't even look at the picture because I was so embarrassed.  If you know me, you know I do NOT like having attention drawn towards me. I've always been like that.  Today was no exception.

I felt my face get hot as I tried to laugh it off, but I was going through emotions left and right that shocked me.  Why was I going through all of these feelings over a picture?? 

Now, the reason my friend showed the picture was not to embarass me or anything like that.  It was because she was proud of me, she was impressed by my hard work and dedication.  She thought I was awesome! 

But I didn't feel any of those things when I saw the picture.  That's because it was me that went through the all the changing. Beginning to end, I lived it. But sometimes I still see that girl in the mirror, so I almost took it too personal. I focused on the wrong part of the conversation and missed the praise that I was getting for working my butt off this year.

So i wonder, is this normal after losing a significant amount of weight?  I don't know. I've never been in this space before. My head hasn't quite caught up with what people see when they look at me.   Or what I see when I look at myself. But it will eventually. I hope!  This is a pic my son took of me today.

Sugar, Sugar!

Sweet, delicious sugar. It's everywhere. Especially during the holidays!  It seems like the holidays are one big reason to indulge mercilessly on every dessert imaginable.

Don't get me wrong, they are all delish! I love me some pie!!

But it's too easy. It's a slippery slope from one dessert once a week, to one dessert every night!  That hasn't happened to me any time this year, but it seems like it's creeping closer, that craving for sugary goodness.  I made both cookies and brownies in the last week, and luckily I was able to control myself from eating the whole lot of them.  But it also required me throwing them in the trash.  Oops!

So while this is probably the worst possible time to cut things from one's diet, I am attempting to cut most sugar out from my diet for the next 18 days.  Along with fake sugar. I know I consume too much fake sugar.  Real sugar I usually keep fairly low anyways.  But I drink Crystal Light Energy, use sugar free vanilla in my coffee, the list goes on.  Time to get a hold of things!  My plan is to keep my intake to 15g per day or less.

I am not cutting out carbs. I know that the 21-Day Sugar Detox plan doesn't allow for refined carbs and a lot of fruit. I am not following that plan. I am doing something that works for my lifestyle.  A friend of mine will be cutting sugar as well and we will weigh in with each other tomorrow and on Wednesdays. I hope she is ready to deal with my crankiness! LOL

Feel like you need to cut sugar?  Join me and post here!! 

The Little Engine That Could Part 2

So I decided late December that I would run a Biggest Loser Challenge on Facebook. I invited my friends and we got a group ready to start on January 5th.  I've run these challenges in the past and usually do pretty well, so I figured it would be the kick in the ass I needed to get healthy once and for all.  But when I'm done with the challenges, maintenance is always my worst enemy.

See, I have never known how to just maintain my weight. It's not just EASY for me.  I always gain it back.  So who was to say this time would be any different? 

I didn't know that my AHA moment had shown itself. I didn't know that I would use this Biggest Loser Challenge as a springboard to go above and beyond.  I like to play it safe. I set attainable goals to avoid being disappointed.

I met with a trainer at the gym on base who did a free fitness assessement - weight, calipers, inches.  I saw her every 6 weeks for the first few months.

I ended up winning the BL challenge and lost about 22 pounds in 8 weeks. I was motivated. I ran another few challenges, the last one ended about 2 weeks ago.  My starting weight was 198.  My current is 143.  I do not know when I have been this weight before, not anytime that I had a scale!  Probably high school or college. I didn't weigh myself much then. 

People have asked me how I lost the weight - I know people want a magic pill. I know people want there to be a quick fix. I know because I've lived it. I used to pore over people's Instagram's and Facebook pages and see how they lost the weight.  I knew I couldn't do any fads. No low carb, no low calorie, no gimmicks. I had to pick from different approaches and carve out a plan that worked for me.  I stuck to a lower carb plan but still eat plenty of carbs (150g per day). I try to get at least 100g of protein per day.  I limit sugar.  I work out 6 days a week.  In the beginning I was doing cardio and weights most days, then running took over my life. LOL.  I'm still running 4-5 days a week but plan to get back to weights 2-3x week next week.

So what should you do?  FIND WHAT WORKS FOR YOU!!  What is something you can sustain for the long term?  Is low-carb something you see yourself doing forever?  What is your lifestyle like?  What exercises do you like doing?  Carve out a plan that works for you that you can stick with every day.  We are all different and need different things.  For me, I LOVE running. Love it. I also love lifting, but not as much as running. Running is my ME time.  I function better when I get a run in.  I'm a better mom and a better wife. So find what makes you feel that way and run with it!

To date, I have lost 55 pounds. And I'm not done.  So stay tuned!! 

The Little Engine That Could - Part 1

I'm back on the blog!  It's been awhile. I know I don't really have an audience, but I need the therapy that writing gives me, so I've decided to TRY to get back to blogging regularly. I feel like I lived a whole new life this year and I haven't documented any of it!!  Boo me.

2014 was a rough year. Friendships were lost. My husband was gone most of the year.  I was in a FUNK. Totally funkdafied. My health suffered because I was suffering.   I can see it now, looking back on it with a fresh pair of eyes. I was lost, I was sinking into a depression. I'm pretty lucky that my true friends stuck it out with me!

What happens when I become depressed? I stop caring. I start forgetting what the things I love to do are and lack consistency in everything.  It really is a slippery slope. Complacency, it's real. Now, I didn't completely drop everything. Was I in the worst shape of my life?  Nope.  I still was exercising - was I pushing myself? No. Would I rather go out for coffee than workout?  Heck yeah.  I wasn't really focused on my food intake. Clothes started getting tighter. Excuses were being made.  I blamed my thyroid.  I was sure there was a medical reason!

Got my blood work back. Thyroid - healthy!  A1C - above normal.  Pre-diabetic range. Say what???

A1C?  I'd never even heard of it. Well, it measures your blood sugar over a period of 2-3 months.  And my A1C was elevated.

Military doctor's advice?  Diet and exercise.  That was it. I actually didn't even get an appointment to talk face-to-face.  Military medicine at it's finest!  They put in a referral for a nutritionist.  Yeah, that nutritionist works on another base 90 miles away and only comes to the area once every 3 months.  What a joke.

What did happen?  Well, I thought about it. I really thought about my life. And how important it was.  I thought about my husband.  My three kids.  I had to make a choice - keep going on as I was, floating along. Maybe I would get diabetes. A preventable disease.  Some people might choose to go that route.

I didn't make that choice. I chose ME. 

More in part 2 later!! :D

Jamie Eason's Live Fit Challenge - Day 1

Well.

Day 1 is COMPLETE!

If I didn't mention it, I just started Jamie Eason's Live Fit Challenge!  I am part of a Facebook group of over 250 gals who are participating in the challenge - all set up by Made With Love's Alesha!  She completed the Live Fit Challenge last year and she's doing it again heading up this group.  She had some great results - as did some other bloggers that I follow.

I can't even remember how I came across Brittany Eats Clean on FB, but somehow I did, and man did she ever inspire me!!  She first started the challenge January 2013 and has KILLED it!  She stayed on plan most of the year and dropped almost 50 pounds - she leaned out and toned up and looks fan-freaking-tastic.

The Live Fit program is basically this.  Eating clean. Lifting Heavy.  Rinse and Repeat.  There is cardio after Phase 1, but NO cardio in the first 4 weeks. 

Say what??

No what??

Yep.  Hard to imagine.  It almost didn't make sense to someone like me who has focused endlessly on cardio over the past 10 years and has not seen lasting results.  Then I had a Eureka moment.  I thought about the times in my life that I was in the best shape.  All those times I had a steady weight training routine going, along with some cardio.  High school, college, the first few years after college.  Weights + cardio.

BOOM.

Got it. 

So I went to the YMCA today and got a trial membership.  Picked up some weights and followed Day 1 of Live Fit.

I got this. 

2014 is here??

How in the hell did that happen?

I'm flummoxed.  Flabbergasted.  I can't believe it came so quick. Because I was definitely  not prepared! 

The second-half of 2013 was a busy one. My fitness took a big backseat to everything else (including kids, moving, work etc).  That was not my plan, but I'm not going to focus on things that I should've done last year.

I do that rearview mirror crap with so many things in my life, but I'm not going to do that here. Not with my health and fitness.

Coulda, woulda, shoulda.

That's a damn good Sex and the City episode too, if you haven't seen it.  Love that show.

I digress.  I've been pondering some goals over the last few weeks.  I want to get some solid goals with solid dates written so I can share them on the blog for accountability (aka, I'll forget what I said). 

So, I will list a few things I want to accomplish this year.  Tomorrow I will get some hard core plans together. 

- Join a gym.  Really don't want to because it's so expensive out here in Cali.  It annoys me.

- Lift weights.  Besides hauling my kids all around the damn town.  Heavy weights. A la Brittany Eats Clean and FIT by Jordan.  I heart them.  I will be following a Jamie Eason plan.
 

- Eat cleaner.  Less sugar.  Less artificial sugar. Less carbs. More protein.  Probably need to break up with white bread.

-Run more.  Well anything is more than I have been!  I got a Garmin GPS watch for Christmas, and I'm so excited to use it! 

I'm sure there are more.  Until then, ta ta!

Yoga Pants Rock My Pants Off

I love me some yoga pants.

I don't know why it took me up until last year to buy some.

Can you believe that?  How did I miss the exit sign to Yoga Town?  Imagine the comfort I could have been living in throughout all of my pregnancies!!

I hate when I'm late to the par-tay.  But I'm here now, with a glass of vino in my hand.

Not that I wear them to yoga. Oh no! I wear them while wrangling the trio.  Or running errands. Or doing anything but yoga.

So in looking for some more of my current brand of yoga pants, I have realized one important thing.

The yoga pants I am wearing are technically called Yoga Pajama Pants.  I got them at Target, and now I know the truth.

Are you freaking serious??

I've been wearing pajama pants all around the damn town.

And here I am, contemplating buying some more.

Sidelined

Well, I've hit a roadblock.

Apparently my right foot was not ready for my increased mileage these past 5 days.

Since doing my 3.1 mile run on Friday, I've had this foot pain.  Top of my foot below my ankle.

It was bearable, but it started becoming painful once I'd finish running and start cooling down.

So, in typical Alana fashion, I ignored it.  Sunday I did 3.1 miles. Monday I did 9/1 intervals and covered 4 miles.  Tuesday it was bothering me a lot, so I switched to 5/1 intervals and did 2.5 miles.

Last night I was limping.  Putting pressure on it hurt. I tried a little ice, but it didn't help.

So I decided to call medical and they got me in this morning.  I lucked out in that a sports medicine doc was there from out of town.  He thought it was probably tendonitis, and probably not a stress fracture, but wanted me to get an x-ray.

Problem was, when I went to Radiology, no one was there. And no one could tell me when someone would be there. They told me to check back at 1pm.  That they were "probably" at lunch.  Probably?

Well I wasn't about to wait around for an hour and a half with my three kids for them to possibly re-open!

So I haven't had my x-ray yet. I will try to go tomorrow.  But the doctor will not be there tomorrow since he was only here today. Not sure who will read my results.  Sigh.

His prescription for me (pending x-ray results) was no running for a week.  :(  Cross-training on the elliptical or bike is okay.  Blah blah blah! I hate both of those machines.  LOATHE.

I'm just a tad bit annoyed totally disappointed.  I just hope it is in fact just tendonitis and I can resume running next week. I was just feeling like I was making progress in my training. 

Weekly Goals Link Up - 7/22

Happy Monday y'all!

It's happy for me because my hubby actually had today off, yahoo!!

But of course I didn't get to sleep in because I foolishly made a doctor's appointment for my daughter at 8am this morning.

Foolish.

Oh well, I had no idea he'd have the day off anyways!  He had to work Saturday and has been working 12 hour days most of the past week.

No fun for this mom.  Luckily I recently met this really cool fellow mom and Navy wife and we hung out most of last week!

On to my goals.  Yesterday was my youngest daughter's 2nd birthday (cue the awwwwws).  Of course I made cake and cupcakes.  Of course I ate cake and cupcakes.  Delish!

And pizza. I ate lots of pizza.  Sigh.  I've been feeling craptastic everytime I have pizza now.  Because, if you've read my previous posts, I have a pizza addiction. I can't just have one or two slices.



It's a sickness, people.

So I'm linking up again today to get back on track.  I'm going on vacay in 19 days and I'd like the good habits in place prior to that.

There will be pizza on that trip too.  The best pizza.

Goals for Week of 7/22 -

1.  Run 4x this week.  I managed to run after the birthday party yesterday (a 5K, yes I did), so 3 more to go.  I'll be heading out right after this post.

2.  Start some kind of strength routine. Whether it be some squats, lunges and planks in my living room, I need to start building that lean muscle.

3.  Eat out less this week. We were out and about so much last week that we made one too many stops at the drive-thru.  I've meal planned through the end of the month so I hope to stick to that.

What are your goals this week?  What have you had trouble with in July?

Yesterday's Workout and Self-Doubt

So yesterday's run.

Do you ever have a conversation with yourself, in your head, where you go back and forth on whether or not you can do something?

In my case, it was running for 20 minutes.

It's not as if I've never run a non-interval run before.  I've done it many, many times.  I've run a couple of 5K races.  Heck, I've even done a 5.5 mile run! 

But I've been on this interval-run-kick for so long, where I run 3 minutes, walk 1 (Week 1 of the Ease into 10K, wash, rinse, repeat).

So yesterday I decided I was going to dip back into the 5K training and do a 20 minute run, 3 minute walk, 5 minute run.

I got out there and was feeling pretty good on that first mile. I thought about my BFF Amanda (and new blogger at A Healthful Approach) kicking butt yesterday and busting out a 5 mile run on the treadmill. And that seriously motivated me to just make it happen and go for the 5K.

I did my 3.1 and felt fantastic.  And wondered why I'd even doubted myself in the first place.

My run pace was a respectable 10:33. I know I'm not a fast runner, but hey, I'm getting it DONE.

Now I'm linking up for Weigh In Wednesday (better late than never)!

 

It's my first week, but certainly won't be my last!  I'm happy to have the extra push to get past this number! I just finished hosting an FB Biggest Loser Challenge and did not win. But I was weighing in on Wednesdays, so this will not be new to me.  I'm hoping to try Weight Watchers again because that seems to be the one thing I can stick with. 

Current Weight: 173.3

1st Goal Weight: 168

Ultimate Goal Weight: 150ish

Here's to another step in the right direction!

10K Training, Again

It's Tuesday, peeps!

I feel like I haven't had a chance to get on my computer in DAYS!  It's hard to find the time when the trio is up and running around.

I knew it was time to get re-started in my 10K training. I have started it more than once and gotten all the way to week 7, and then BOOM - off the wagon I fell.

It was a hard fall.



I started again and kept repeating weeks 1 and 2. I love those 3/1 intervals!  But I was having motivation issues along with some breathing troubles.

So I restarted the plan yet again. I swear it's probably my 5th time.  Today would be the day I start week 2.  Again. Again. Again.

But I feel bored. I don't feel motivated. I feel like I should be DONE already. I should be able to run 5 or 6 miles no problem.

I used to mix up my running with gym classes.  Sigh. I LOVED my old gym in Maryland. Loved it.  I had a great group of friends that I made through the gym and I always looked forward to going to class.

Body Pump.  Body Step.  Body Attack.  Body Combat.  I love you all and miss you. 

That plus running was fantastic for my motivation.  Now the closest gym that offers those same classes is 18 miles away.  It's not super realistic for me to join when it's totally out of the way.

What's a girl to do?  Off to go run for now.

The Skinny Rules

Otherwise known as "The Skinny Rules!"

Picture me fist-pumping when I say Rules.

Bob Harper - of Biggest Loser fame - has a newish book out called "The Skinny Rules." I haven't read the book (for shame), but I've read a ton of other "diet" books.

I hate the word diet.

My friend Betty posted these rules for our group during The Biggest Loser challenge I put together. 

Here are The Skinny Rules: 

1. Drink large glass of water (16 oz.) before every meal and snacks--5 a day
2. Don't drink your calories--stay away from fruit juices and sodas that are high in sugar. 2 cups coffee okay
3. Eat lowfat protein at every meal--protein doesn't have to be animal based. Protein minimizes hunger.
4. Slash intake of refined flour/grains--try brown rice, quinoa, barley, farro
5. Eat 30-50 grams of fiber
6. Eat apples and berries each day
7. No carbs after lunch--eat lean and green at night. Protein and veggies are best
8. Read labels--stay away from artificial ingredients or foods that sound like bad chemistry experiments
9. Get portion size right--you can bag some portions ahead of time
10. No artificial sweeteners
11. No white potatoes
12. One day a week meatless--eat more beans and nuts
13. No fast foods and fried foods
14. Eat a real breakfast: include protein, grains and fruit (lowfat plain yogurt is great protein source)
15. Make your own food and eat at least 10 meals a week at home
16. Banish high salt foods--use more herbs
17. Eat veggies--as much as possible
18. Go to bed hungry--try not to eat after 8 p.m. or 4 hours prior to bedtime
19. Sleep Right--get adequate sleep
20. Plan one splurge meal a week--but don't go crazy with the calories, fat and sugar in it

Seems like a no-brainer, right? It sounds like something I might be able to handle in my life.  I love my white carbs though!  Such a drug they are!

I think I'm going to give it a shot though.  I need to start making better food choices. Making good choices has always been my problem, and I need to start fixing it.

Anyone followed this approach?  How did it work for you?

You Know You're a Mom When...

Laurie Berkner is on heavy rotation in your swagger wagon.

It's true, folks.  I love me some Laurie Berkner! 

The problem is when I end up playing the music "accidentally" when my kids are not even in the car with me. 

That's when you know you're a mom for real.

Weekly Goals Link Up!

I just found a great new blog (and blogger) so I'm linking up!

I need all the accountability I can get right now!

Since I'm just joining the party, I don't have any last week goals.  So here are my goals for this week.

- Clean up my weekend eating.  Seriously. I can't be the only one who eats great all week and then blows every inch of freaking progress in 2 days.  It's a sick cycle, people!  And it's been going on for my whole life. 

No time like the present, right? 

- Run 3 times this week. 

- Try to get back into my Jillian workouts (Body Revolution). I was doing so well, 5 weeks of it! Then - crickets. 

- Continue to limit refined sugars.

What are your goals this week?

My Secret Love Affair (with Pizza)

Holiday weekends are always something I both look forward to and despise at the same time.

Why you ask? 

I love having the extra time with my family - especially in the summer when I'm home ALL day with my trio - I appreciate IMMENSLY that my husband is home to help rally the troops. Endless energy they have, while I'm propping my eyelids open with a stick.

If you're a SAHM, I know you get me. 

On the other hand, holiday weekends usually mean seeing family, eating out and being lazy.

Oh, that's just me?  My bad.

So family came over Thursday and there was much snacking going on. I managed to continue the wheat-free business. We did go to the beach, which was awesome.  I can't say I did any physical activity aside from sitting in my beach chair.

Awesomeness.

And through most of Friday. I even passed on the toast at breakfast which is probably the first time in history I've said no to yummy, buttery, sourdough toast.

But we ended up picking up pizza for dinner on Saturday.

Have I mentioned my love affair with pizza?  I have never loved a food more than I love pizza.  I can't say no to pizza.

I can say YES to pizza.  Every day, all day.  Me + Pizza = 4Ever

So I had some.  I had 3 smallish (medium) pieces which I think is totally fine. It was good, but was it awesome?  Not really.

But man, did my body yell at me afterwards. I had some stomach cramps that were not welcome.

Do I think it was the wheat?  No.  I actually think it was the dairy or the combo of all the pizza deliciousness toppings. 

Good thing I only eat it every couple of weeks.

I honestly don't have much dairy in my diet.  Mostly iced vanilla lattes when I get the nerve to drag the three amigos out of the house and drive the 20 minutes to the coffee shop. And drag them into the shop which turns into a littany of requests for chocolate milk, cookies, muffins, donuts, anything that costs money.

Have you ever realized what a sugar shack a coffee shop is?  My insulin spikes every time I walk in the door of Coffee Bean.

Never have I missed Dunkin Donuts drive-thru more!!

As the weekend went on, the list of not-great-diet-foods increased.

Wine, ice cream, rice krispy treats, and cake.  Oh my.

Sweet, delicious, grocery store, covered in yummy icing, birthday cake. 

Sigh.  Starting over, yet again.

The Wheat is Gone...For Now

Is there such a word as a breadaholic?

There is now.

Look it up in the urban dictionary - I'm 99% sure there is a picture of me stuffing my face with a loaf of bread right next to the definition!

I love me some bread.  Love it.  I think my husband could care less about it.  But me?

I'd eat it at every meal if I could.  Toast for breakfast, sandwiches for lunch, bread dipped in olive oil for dinner.  Sign me up for that diet!

I remember when bread was good for your diet, because it was low in fat!  I wish that were the case.

Now I'm still on the fence on if wheat in general is the complete evil that I've read about (anyone else read Wheat Belly?).  I read it, did a week without wheat and gluten, and that was that.

Last week I decided - honestly I don't even know what triggered it - to try yet again to not eat wheat for a little while. I didn't make a deadline.  I'm not sure what I'm looking to happen...

Of course I'd love it if a few (ahem, 10) pounds magically disappeared.  :D  I know that's not in the cards.

I'm 6 days in right now.  I haven't noticed much, if any, change yet.  I was moody as hell the first couple of days.  I was so hungry.  You did not want to be around me.

Oh yeah, because I'd also cut out refined sugar the week before this wheat-free business!  Say what??

I follow 100 Days of Real Food and decided to try the pledge of no refined sugar.  Next up, my aspartame problem.  Sigh. It never ends, people.

I'm a ball of fun to be around right now!!

I'll keep you posted.

Bloglovin'

So apparently Google doesn't allow you to follow other blogs via Blogger anymore.  Color me confused.  You can follow via Bloglovin, which is how I read my favorite blogs! 


Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Why Do I Do This?

I just finished lunch and was craving something sweet.  I'd made some caramel corn last night - it was okay.  Some of it turned out well, the rest was a wee bit....soft?  You want caramel corn to have a little crunch to it, right? 

Now I hate to waste calories on food that is just okay, but I do it all the freaking time! 

I am trying to lose weight. I work out 5-6 days a week and log most of my food.  Most.  I'm a lazy logger.

But last night I grabbed a bowl of caramel corn and had it for dessert.  Was it good?  Not really.  I didn't even finish the bowl.  Just ate enough to feel bad about it.

Today, what do I do?  Stop in the kitchen after lunch and pick at the damn caramel corn!  After eating some I got a little annoyed with myself.  Because it wasn't that good and I was still eating it.  And now I'm writing about it because it bugged me.

Sigh.

I may have a slight food addiction.  The food is there and I'm compelled to eat it.

I think I should just throw the whole container away.  Then I feel bad for wasting all that time making it! Does this happen to anyone else?

Lose-lose.

Actually Alana

Hey out there in the blogsphere!  Not that I think anyone will be reading this blog, but I have a good imagination.

I wanted to start blogging again because so many crazy, random thoughts go through my head day after day.  I considered posting them on Facebook, but sometimes (hell, most of the time) I don't want everyone I know to read that stuff. Some people use FB as a place for their word vomit, but that is not me. I try to keep it semi-private in the real world, you know?

A little about me - I am a Navy Wife!  My husband, Mister F, has been active duty for over 16 years!  We've been married over 11 of those :)  I'm a stay-at-home mom of 3 kids.  A1, is 5, A2 is 4 and A3 will be 2 next month. I am lucky to be able to stay home with them, but let me tell you there are some crazy shenanigans that go on around here.  Cuh-ra-zy.

I am a wannabe runner.  I started running after having my son a little bit, picked it up again after my second, got into it again after number 3.  I'm not fast. But I'm out there doing it.  My farthest distance is 5.5 miles back in 2010.  I recently did 6 miles of 3/1 intervals which was huge for me.  My goal is to complete a 10K sometime before my husband deploys.  A 1/2?  It's always possible :D

We recently moved back to California from Maryland and I am lonely as hell.  I kinda miss MD - I swear to you I never thought I would say those words.  I just miss my friends and haven't had an easy time making any here so far.

That said, I figured why not get it all out in this blog since I don't have many people to talk to right now.  At least I can get my obsessive, crazy thoughts on paper, right?